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What spending two weeks in a chastity device taught me about my sexuality and my marriage

I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man

Over time, my sexual needs became lesssingularly focused on the end goal of orgasm, and more focused on courtship and on her
Over time, my sexual needs became less singularly focused on the end goal of orgasm, and more focused on courtship and on her. It’s “Locktober” again, the month where men willingly lock their genitalia up in chastity devices in the hopes of making it “hands-free” for 31 days. Some do it for the kink, some for the challenge, and a great number do it as a way to be more present and engaged with their partners (called “keyholders”). Though I could never do a whole month, I did do it for two weeks, and what it taught me about my sexuality and how it can dominate my marriage was nothing short of revelatory.

First, some context. As an erotica writer, I wanted to understand the common theme of chastity for huge penises to write more believable characters. My wife agreed to be my keyholder for two weeks and unlock me only if she desired it. I had a spare key to unlock for safety reasons and maintenance, but not for any other reason.

With these rules in place, our dynamic changed within three days. What had started as some fun denial play became something else entirely. Once my wife trusted that I really was “locked up” at her discretion, she felt free to interact with me without every action being viewed through my sexual needs, which we dubbed “the barter system”.

Simply put, I had no idea how much of my daily interactions with my wife were subtle negotiations for sex, but my wife sure did. She’d come to accept it as part of being married to a man. But now, if my hand lingered too long on a caress, my cage made the motivations painfully obvious. Call it cognitive behaviour therapy for my penis.

Beforehand, her being playful with me was viewed primarily as an invitation to sex. Now it could now exist on its own. My listening to her day wasn’t partially “putting in the time to earn sex,” because sex wasn’t an option. I was liberated to enjoy the act of listening.

Subsequently, she opened up physically and emotionally and I enjoyed being the emotional support a husband is supposed to be. Over time, my sexual needs became less singularly focused on the end goal of orgasm, and more focused on courtship and on her. Closeness, caresses and bonding took prominence over my desire to get off.

I still wanted sex, but I was free from the dishonest dealings of my libido. I wanted sex as an accompaniment to intimacy, not intimacy as post-coital add-on. This distinction was huge. When the sex did come, it was better both physically and emotionally for us both.

After Stringfellow, there’s a way to overhaul the sex club industry
There were other benefits, too. My locus of thought moved from “me” to “we”. She felt more entitled to her needs and filtered her words less.

I also learned the multiple roles masturbation played in my life and which ones weren’t helpful. It was healthy to use it as a release for sexual frustration during a week when there was just no time for sex, but it didn’t stop there. I used it when putting in the time to get my partner in the mood seemed like too much effort. In that sense it was lazy man’s sex that I benefited from, but denied my wife that intimacy, and treated sex like a chore.

When left without masturbation I sought other options. Intimacy with my wife (in a reciprocation-free environment for her) allowed her to ease into the enjoyment of it and allowed me to be a part of her pleasure without filtering it through my own. Needless to say, that was a lot of fun for us both.

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If I was stressed, my new avenue was one that had always been there: I talked to my wife about it. She had great insights but mostly she just listened. The stress went away, and unlike the short-term benefit masturbation provided, I got longer term benefits like companionship, trust, vulnerability and reassurance.

I emerged from my two weeks with my masculinity intact, but a deeper understanding of what it meant to be her man. And we emerged a happier couple.

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I wore this male chastity device for a fortnight so you don’t have to

Man, I love fondling my penis. As is well-documented on these very pages. Other people fondling my penis is great too, since you ask, but that’s another story.

Yet even such a committed onanist as I must occasionally ponder whether it’s actually a force for good or ill in my life.

Could it be that squandering my seed, as all those joyless little NoFap weirdos insist on framing it, somehow diminishes my potential as a man? And what if there’s a way to lay off the dolphin-flogging that doesn’t require willpower? When an opportunity arose to try a male chastity device for a bit, curiosity got the better of me – and before I knew where I was, I was signing the Yodel geezer’s little PDA to accept delivery of my shiny new wang guard.

What can I say: it was Dry January and self-flagellation was all the rage. Anyway, here’s what we’re dealing with: Plastic alternatives are available too, if you’re a puny wimp who doesn’t take genital self-mutilation seriously; a sad little weasel unwilling – or, let’s face it, unable – to put in the hard miles on the highway to self-denial. In case you’re here for a handy how-to: unlock it, separate the parts, pop your nads through the scrotal ring, slide the shaft bit around your dong, secure it, then clasp the padlock back on. But always read the instructions first. Sadly I’m not allowed to model it for you (curse those Metro prudes), so this requires a little imagination on your part.

My penis looked… pathetic. Defeated, somehow. Like a hunchbacked, medieval serf – head bowed, clapped in irons for stealing one of his Lordship’s chickens. I gave my wife the key, not because she’s a sexy dominatrix, but because she’s a trustworthy grownup who always knows where important household items are stored. She was all in favour, by the way, and I suspect rather looked forward to a spell of peaceful weekend lie-ins. Indeed, when I jokingly suggested she swallow (the key), the love of my life put her headphones on and pretended I wasn’t there.

That first evening I wore my magical chastity device mooching around the house, as a normal person might when breaking in a new pair of brogues. The extra weight takes a lot of getting used to. It’s actually uncomfortable and weeing through the gaps in a metal cage while sitting down feels so… barbaric. Nope (Picture: Getty) In the interests of journalism I read around the topic and discovered broad consensus within the male chastity community (oh, it exists) that overnight is the trickiest time, because you can’t help your raging nocturnal boners.

A kindly soul on Reddit advised I slather up with baby oil before beddybyes and be ready for a rude awakening. How right he was. About 5am, having carefully arranged the pillows so I stayed on my back, the inevitable surging erection made itself known. The device was already pretty tight around my member, even when flaccid (cos I’m such a giant stud), but now my luckless schlong was doing its morning stretches, for the first time ever, under lock and key.

Again, Metro would probably take a dim view of me sharing a photo. So imagine a lonely little bearcub in some sketchy foreign zoo, pathetically squishing its hairless, malnourished flanks against the bars of a teeny-tiny cage. Tragic, really. But the pain rapidly forced my dick into retreat, so the problem went away. I guess that’s a win? MORE: SEX These are the sex trends you can look forward to Sex doll maker helps grieving men by recreating dead wives in silicone Male contraceptive gel could soon become a reality I had a couple of meetings to attend the next day, and so was forced to brave the outside world.

I had zero qualms about my inevitable massive pants bulge. If some foxy lady on the Tube happened to glance at my crotch and marvel at my blessed package then so much the better. But again, the weight thing. It’s just not enjoyable. Also, pro–tip: wear the tightest underwear possible. Anything loose and the little padlock flops around when you walk, making you sound like the Tin Man. At my meetings I must say I felt a little racy wearing it – naughty, like I had a dirty secret that could be exposed at any moment. But again, the pissing thing.

In a singularly unlovely south London public toilet I retreated to a stall – the urinal was hardly an option – and sat down. Without doubt, the clang of my dong-trap on the porcelain made the queue outside think I’d dropped my heroin spoon. Honestly, that probably would have been less embarrassing. As the days wore on I grew accustomed to the discomfort. I stopped wearing it 24/7, because even the pros don’t do that. Plus – to be blunt – there’s a whole pre-cum-leakage-stench issue that gets quite unmanageable around day three.

Have a read here on how ycan male chastity transformed your marriage

Popping it off overnight meant I could rinse it under the tap and leave it in a tupperware by the bedside, sort of like wearing a brace. This, but for cock (Picture: Getty) The more time I spent with it, the more I found myself obsessing over who it’s actually designed for. Not whimsical journos, that’s for sure. Cheating spouse is an obvious one. I have a mate who has serious issues keeping it in his pants – he claimed to love the idea, until I sent him a picture of my dick inside one. A rather sweet target market that never occurred to me until someone online suggested it, is men who ejaculate too quickly.

Which is basically all men, by the way. The idea is you wear the device and thoroughly take care of the missus. Then, and only then, do you get unlocked. I actually tried that with the wife, but sadly in my excitement I started clanking, which apparently was ‘like being eaten out by C-3PO.’ Nosing around the chastity community, it seems ‘control’ is the main motivation. Some people love a bit of discomfort in their sexual routine. As a potential aid to curtailing daytime masturbation it’s pointless. Half the reason I jack-off is to shut out the horny thoughts, not draw attention to them.

Weirdly though, I do miss my little private pee-pee prison. This must be what Stockholm Syndrome feels like. Well, cock-holm syndrome, anyway.

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Words from The Chaste Cyclist!

I’d like to thank you for going through these questions and letting us in to your world of chastity. You started a blog in 2015 called thechastecyclist. We’ve read through your ups and downs, your kink lifestyle, the events of your family and kids, your sex life and various goings on in your life over the previous three years. We’d like to thank you for the chance to ask you a series of questions.

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate everyone who takes time out of their day to read my ramblings.

In your first post in 2015 – you say that you started this blog as your exploration into the world of chastity. Why a blog, and not a diary? What drove you to putting this online for others to read?

I was talking to another person who writes a blog, The Drew Duality about his life and it included chastity. I also had read through Denying Thumper, another guy talking about and living a life of chastity. Both of their blogs were of such an interest and coupled with my love to write, I decided to give it a go. I honestly didn’t care if anyone ever read a single post. I considered this blog my personal diary.

You had had an interest in male chastity for many years – what was so interesting about it for you and when did you start taking note of it?

Honestly, it started in the late 1980’s. I have always been interested in BDSM and Female Domination. As a college sophomore I started reading those Penthouse “stories” magazines. One edition had a story about two women seducing a man at a bar, taking him home, then tying him up and doing what they wanted to him all night. I chased BDSM and FemDom ever since. It spoke to me. Fast forward to the early 2000’s. One day while cruising the web I stumbled across the Men in Pain website and saw my first photo/video of a guy with metal locked on his cock. I was hooked from there. The entire idea of someone taking control of my cock and controlling my orgasms quickly became a passion…dare I say…an addiction.

You mentioned that you didn’t always take chastity seriously, and you likened it to a game. What made you change your outlook towards chastity and start to take it seriously?

Initially, it was a game. The first time I convinced my Wife to try it and ordered our first cheap device it truly was a game that neither one of us enjoyed playing. The device was ill fitted. It pinched and grabbed at every movement. Truth be told, I didn’t last more than 18 hours before throwing in the towel. My Wife could not have been more pleased. She just wasn’t kinky at all and didn’t understand. After that initial experience, and I have written about this extensively, I started drifting mentally away from my Wife. I resorted to masturbation for my true sexual pleasure and that feeling took over my side of the relationship. After our 25th anniversary, I realized I was missing something and started searching for an answer. Chastity was that answer.

I have to ask this question as when we’re talking about kinks – not everyone is receptive. You say that it was difficult in getting your wife (MrsL) to take chastity as a serious kind of activity. What do you think changed, have you spoken about that and what was her initial hesitation in chastity?

MrsL was raised a devout Catholic and truly believed I was having an affair…well I was…only with myself and online porn. To this day, she still has a hard time with kink but it isn’t as bad as it once was. Her initial reaction to chastity, before I confessed my masturbation issue, was one of truly not understanding. However, after our anniversary trip I took the time to find some “non kinky” e-books for her to read and once she read them we discussed the concept of chastity more seriously.

What advice do you have for people looking to introduce chastity or kink into their lives?

Do your research. Determine if it is just a kink you want to explore or if you want it to be a regular part of your life. There is an adjustment.

What’s your go to comfort food?

Nice, I like how you throw this in here to bring some levity. My go to comfort food has to be…vanilla ice cream! Imagine that, I am a kinky being but my comfort food is vanilla ice cream!

In one of your posts in early October – you talk about whether or not to keep the blog going. What effort and determination is required when running a blog, and what does it take out of you – for those looking to start their own blog?

Even though I initially didn’t care if anyone read my blog, I quickly realized I had regular readers. With regular readers comes an expectation of new/fresh content. In October, I realized I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain with new/fresh content. I was feeling guilty. I quickly got over that feeling. If your starting a blog, make sure you know why you are starting a blog. Decide if you are writing for you or for your readers. If the answer is the latter, then take steps to keep your blog updated daily. If it is the former, write when, where, and what you want to write.

You and MrsL use a journal to talk about things; kink lifestyle, what’s going on – This seems like a fantastic idea as it let’s couples work through things at their own pace. Where did this idea come from and how have you both found it useful?

It came from another blog I read with the only difference is this couple uses their blog to talk about “stuff”. We only use it for our kinky stuff.

You’ve spoken recently about changing the type of chastity that you and Mrs L engage in, and i’d love to explore that. What does the difference between enforced chastity and devotional chastity mean to you – and what was the decision making process in that?

Enforced chastity is exactly what it says…enforced. When MrsL finally told me that she was in charge of when and how long I wore her Steelheart, I realized I truly had gotten what I had been wishing for all those years. Alas, I travel on airplanes and the plastic Bon4 device and the “custom” EvotionWearables device (3D printed surgical nylon) device caused issues…all chronicled on the blog. One of the many websites I visited and introduced to MrsL was Devotional Sex. We both read through it, individually, had a journal, and face to face conversation about the entire concept. Absent spending the money needed, and we are still planning on doing this someday, on a custom TITANIUM device that is airplane travel safe we agreed that we would live the Devotional Sex lifestyle in between stints in the Steelheart. For me, it personifies my renewed commitment to MrsL.

She is still 100% in charge of IF, WHEN, and HOW I receive an orgasm. In exchange, I still focus all of my sexual energy on her! I will admit that the feeling isn’t the same. There is something about the absolutely instant POSITIVE feedback received when locked in chastity that is electric. When you cock wants to get hard and that desire is blocked by some type of device that energy is looped back through your body. With Devotional Sex, the feedback loop is more subtle but it does build with time. For example, within an hour or two of being locked in the Steelheart, the slightest touch from MrsL sends chills coursing through my body. However, when we are practicing Devotional Sex it sometimes takes days. When I am on a known extended travel break for work the Steelheart is more present. Other times, like now, Devotional Sex is more prevalent. Of course, either way has its advantages and disadvantages for MrsL. She is very coy about which way she prefers but I think it is having unfettered access to tease me.

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The ins and outs of male chastity devices

What good’s a cock cage if you can get escape from it? Plus: a reluctant roomie, an enthusiastic spankee

Q: I’m in a D/s relationship with a partner who owns my cock. We’ve purchased several male chastity devices, but I can pretty easily get out of them. My partner did some investigating and learned that the only effective devices work with a Prince Albert piercing—a ring through the head of the penis that locks into the device, preventing the sub from pulling his cock out. My partner now wants me to get a PA. I don’t want to get my cock pierced and I’ve said so, but I would very reluctantly do it to please her. My partner made an appointment for a piercing three months from now, on our second anniversary. She told me that we can cancel it if I can find an effective chastity device that doesn’t require a piercing. Do you or any of your contacts in the fetish world know of any devices that are inescapable?

A: I’ve never come across a standard male chastity device I couldn’t pull out of,” said Ruffled Sheets, an IT consultant and chastity belt aficionado who as of this writing owns 37 different kinds of cock cages. “So PAUSES’s partner has obviously researched regular chastity devices well.

“However, piercing is [just] one of two ways to ensure the penis cannot escape. The other is a full chastity belt,” Sheets continues. They “aren’t without their drawbacks—they are generally more expensive, are harder to conceal under clothes, and take longer to get used to, especially at night. But they are secure. I have three custom-fitted chastity belts and, once properly fitted, they’re inescapable.”

That said, for many male subs and their doms, the symbolism of a male chastity device is what matters most, not its inescapability. And as with other forms of sex play and most aspects of healthy relationships, it’s the honor system that really makes it work.

“As in any negotiated relationship, you can cheat,” said Sheets. “But why cheat? They’re easy to keep on if you’re genuinely interested in submitting.”

Fun fact: Locking a guy’s cock in an inescapable device doesn’t prevent him from coming.

Q: My girlfriend of four months has unofficially moved in with me. We began as a long-distance thing; I live in New York City and she lived in the Deep South. What began as her visiting me for the holidays ended up with her staying with me indefinitely. She comes from a very poor family, and going back home means sleeping in her grandma’s living room. Things are going well, but we are moving fast. I’m not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, I’m loving it and loving her. On the other hand, I feel like she could be using me. She has found part-time work. She hasn’t pitched in for rent—I also have a roommate—but she has pitched in for groceries. Do I ask her for rent money? Do I send her back to her grandma’s place? I don’t know what to do because I feel like I am housing a refugee. —She’s Here Indefinitely Now

A: Instead of ending things now to protect yourself from retroactively feeling shitty about this relationship if it ends at some point in the future, SHIN, you should have a convo with your girlfriend about rent, reality, and roommates. Tell her that it can’t go on like this indefinitely, as it’s unfair to your roommate. Tell her you appreciate the ways she’s kicking in now—helping with groceries—but eventually she’ll need to start kicking in on rent too, and then set a realistic date for her to start paying rent. You should also encourage her to think about getting her own place. Not because you want to stop seeing her—you’re loving it and loving her—but because a premature commitment like cohabitating can sabotage a relationship. You also don’t want her to feel so dependent on you that she can’t end things if she needs to. You want her to be with you because she wants to be with you, not because she’s trapped.

Q: You ran a letter from a man whose wife wouldn’t let him spank her. I’m a woman whose husband won’t spank me. I found a man like WISHOTK, and we meet up for spanking sessions. Neither of our spouses know. It’s only spanking, no sex. How bad should I feel? —Really Erotic Dalliances But, Um, Married

A: Very bad. In fact, REDBUM, I think you should be spanked for getting spanked behind your husband’s back—then spanked again for getting spanked for getting spanked behind your husband’s back. And then spanked some more.

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How Common Are Male Chastity Devices?

Male chastity devices restrict access to the male genitals, thus preventing masturbation, sexual intercourse and/or orgasm or causing pain if an erection is achieved. As your question implies, they can be used either short-term (such as during an individual sexual encounter) or long-term (for several days or more, while going about one’s daily activities).

As with any sexual practice that could be considered unusual, it’s difficult to find data about how many people use male chastity devices, either short term or long term. This isn’t the kind of thing that’s usually asked about on surveys. That said, this is a product category that we have gradually expanded over the past few years in response to customer demand, starting with one and eventually stocking seven different lockable devices. We average between three and four sales of lockable devices a month, which we consider significant for a small store in a relatively small market. Our most popular chastity devices are those in the CB-6000 series, which are designed for long-term wear. We’ve even had customers ask if we’d be willing to hold monthly meet-ups at the store for couples who are interested in long-term male chastity (which we are—we only lack a host! If you’re interested in volunteering, contact us).

I contacted the manufacturers of the CB-6000 devices to see if they had any data that they could share. Although they don’t release specific sales figures, they did say that they sell thousands of devices a year—and they are only one manufacturer of such products! They estimate that their customers are equally divided between people in the fetish or kink communities and couples who are looking to try something new.

Many people worry that they are the “only one” who is into a particular sexual activity that is considered outside the mainstream. If I achieve anything with my work, I hope that it’s helping people realize that, in fact, they are not alone in their desires, and that there is a huge amount of variety in our sex lives that doesn’t ever make it into the pop culture discourse about sex. For every person that is brave enough to come into the store and talk to us about things like male chastity, I assume that there are many, many more who share this interest.

Read more on why other men are using male chasitity

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6 Reasons Sex Gets Better With Age, According To Science, Because There’s Great News If You’re Having Bad Sex In Your 20s

Sex is for the beautiful and the young. At least according to every other sex scene that plays out on TV. But despite what people tend to believe, sex doesn’t go downhill after 30. In fact, many recent cases have found that like wine, sex gets better with age. A new study of 828 Brits conducted by dating site, IllicitEncounters.com, found that 37 percent of women and 34 percent of men revealed that the best age to have sex is in your 40s.

“20-year-olds are having plenty of sex, but the 40-year-olds are actually enjoying it,” a spokesperson from Illicit Encounters said. “40-year-olds have fewer hang-ups than 20-year-olds, and more experience under their wing – they really know what they want out of their intimate life – and that’s great sex!”

Illicit Encounters isn’t the first to reveal this tidbit of information. Recently, many studies have come out revealing what your parents already know, that sex gets better with age.

Here are six science-backed facts to prove it:

1. Women Have A Better Chance Of Climaxing
Take it from people who are going through it now, as your age increases, so does your enjoyment for sex. In fact, a survey found that 54 percent of women felt that sex gets better with age, they didn’t even need to use any lovely sex swing out there just to get a climax. An OkCupid study conducted in 2011 even found that women in their early 20s had about a 40 percent chance of having difficulty reaching an orgasm, while that percentage dropped to around 20 percent for women in their 40s.

2. Women Become More Confident
One of the reasons why many experts believe sex gets better as we grow older is because we tend to be more confident in ourselves. I think everyone can attest to the fact that sex in your 20s is about experimentation. It’s about trying new things and exploring your likes and your dislikes. It can also be awkward as hell. But as you age, you’ve been there, done that. You know what you like and what you don’t like. You also become more comfortable in who you are and your sexuality.
According to couples’ counselor, Tara Saglio, “By the time they’re older, people have usually come to terms with many of their insecurities about body image. They’re also likely to have less performance anxiety. The worries all men and women have — am I boring in bed? Do I look OK? Too hairy? – are less acute.”

3. With Confidence Comes A Sense Of Adventure Thus, Wilder Sex.
A study conducted by Health Plus magazine of people 45-plus found that older women were more adventurous. In fact, 89 percent of women admitted to liking various positions and locations. Of course, those women also said that sex was better in their 40s than it had been in their 20s.

4. Genital Primes Are Much Different Than Sexual Primes.
According to sex therapist, David Schnarch, there’s a big different between ones’ genital prime and ones’ sexual prime. Men reach their genital prime in their late teens or early 20s. They get aroused more quickly and can have sex much more frequently because they’re in their physical prime. However, their minds aren’t set to experience good sex. According to Schnarch, guys in their 20s are too impulsive, insecure, and inexperienced that they don’t truly reach their sexual primes until they’re middle aged.

5. Married Sex = Better Sex
A study conducted by women’s magazine, Your Life, interviewed professional British women 35 and over on their attitudes toward sex. While 75 percent of women said they were happy with their sex lives, that number jumped to 82 percent for women who were currently in relationships, and married women seemed to be the happiest overall.
Priya and Bob Tourkow, a couple who’s been together for 15 years and run retreats focused on reconnecting partners, told The Telegraph UK, “Everything slows down whether you like it or not. But as you get older, sex has the potential to be deeper, more loving experience without the franticness that young people experience. There’s a real magic in that.”

6. Sexual Satisfaction Increases As You Age
In a study published by researchers at the University of Manchester, 80 percent of sexually active men over 50 admit to being satisfied with their sex lives, while 85 percent of sexually active women between the ages of 60 to 69 are satisfied with theirs. According to the study, among the 79-plus group, 90 percent of survey participants admitted to being satisfied with their sex lives. Yes, as much as you hate to admit, your grandparents may be getting a little lovin’ themselves.
Age UK research fellow, David Lee said,

“There’s this misconception that sex belongs to young people. The reactions of the young to older people having sex range from humor and disgust to disbelief that over 50s are having it at all. But our study breaks down these generational barriers. Even though the frequency of sexual declines as we grow older, sex remains an important part of our lives. It doesn’t stop or go away, it just changes.”
Sure, you may be having a lot of sex in your 20s, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re having the best sex of your life. But don’t worry about that. In fact, take notes. Because according to science, the future looks bright and pleasantly orgasmic.

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5 Key Ways Sex Changes for Older Men

One thing doesn’t change, older men’s—and women’s—ability to enjoy erotic pleasure. But with age, sex changes. It becomes less like the Fourth of July, and more like Thanksgiving. However, even without exploding fireworks, the erotic flames can still burn hot and bright—if older men adjust to the changes aging brings, and if women involved with older men understand what’s happening to their lovers.

When does a man become sexually “older?” It varies, but usually between 45 and 50. A medically problematic lifestyle, for example, smoking, typically accelerates the changes, and a healthy lifestyle may postpone them, but even men in robust health with exemplary lifestyles experience age-related sexual changes. Depending on the man, the changes may develop gradually or surprisingly suddenly, like within six months.

1. Erections become iffy.

After 45 and certainly by 50, erections rise more slowly and become less firm and reliable. Sexual fantasies are no longer enough to raise one. Men need fondling, and as they grow older, often increasing amounts of more vigorous stroking. It’s disconcerting to lose firmness and suffer wilting from minor distractions—a phone ringing—but these change are normal. Unfortunately, many men mistake them for erectile dysfunction (ED) and become anxious that they’re nearing the end of the erotic ropes. This makes things worse. Anxiety constricts the arteries that carry blood into the penis, making erections even less likely.

In addition, many medical conditions impair erections, accelerate age-related sexual changes, and contribute to ED: obesity, diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and lack of regular exercise.

True ED involves inability to raise an erection despite extended, vigorous masturbation. If older men can still get hard solo, they don’t have ED. They have normal (annoying, perhpas infuriating) erection changes. “Here’s my advice to older men with balky erections,” says Palo Alto, California, sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D, “Relax, breathe deeply, ask for the kind of touch that excites you, and instead of mourning what you’ve lost, focus on the pleasure you can still enjoy.”

Even true ED need not limit sexual pleasure, says retired Maryland anesthesiologist Ken Haslam, M.D., who teaches workshops on sex and aging, “Men don’t need erections to have orgasms. I’m 76, and I’ve had wonderful orgasms without erections from hand jobs and oral sex.”

2. Premature ejaculation (PE) may return.

PE is usually considered a young man’s problem, the result of over-excitement in young bucks starting to rut. But the landmark University of Chicago “Sex in America” study shows that many men—about one-third—report it throughout the lifespan, meaning that PE is men’s most common, most persistent sex problem. A recent scientifially rigorous survey shows that PE affects 31 percent of men in their fifties, 30 percent in their early sixties, 28 percent from 65 to 70, and 22 percent from 75 to 85.

PE has two major causes, anxiety and penis-centered sex. Anxiety makes the nervous system—including the nerves that trigger ejaculation—more excitable. Young men are often anxious about sex: Will she let me? How do I do this? The reason PE sometimes returns after 50 is that age-related erection changes make men anxious: Will I get hard? Will I stay hard? What the @#$% is happening to me?

Penis-centered sex puts more pressure on the little guy than he can handle. Our sexual culture is preoccupied with intercourse, which leads men of all ages to believe that erotic pleasure is located largely—or only—in the penis. It isn’t. Older men, in fact, all men, should embrace leisurely, playful, whole-body touching and sensual massage, which reduces anxiety and allows arousal to spread all over the body. This takes pressure off the penis and reduces risk of PE. It also pleases women, whose most common complaint about men’s lovemaking is that it’s too rushed and too genital focused.

3. Intercourse fades from the sexual menu.

Intercourse is fundamental to reproduction, but after the reproductive years, it becomes problematic. For older men, iffy erections and ED become increasingly prevalent. Meanwhile, older women, develop vaginal dryness and atrophy (thinning and inflammation of the vaginal lining), which can make intercourse uncomfortable or impossible, even with lubricant.

Older couples who remain sexual typically abandon intercourse in favor of what Haslam calls “outercourse,” whole-body massage, oral sex, and playing with sex toys. With creative outercourse, older couples can enjoy very erotic, orgasmic sex without intercourse.

If women involved with older men want to feel “filled up,” well-lubricated fingers and dildos are good alternatives.

4. Surprisingly few older men use erection drugs.

The myth is that older men pop erection pills routinely. The truth is that few have even tried them, let alone become regular users. German researchers surveyed 3,124 older men, 40 percent of whom reported erection difficulties. Ninety-six percent could name an erection drug, but only 9 percent had ever tried one. Cornell researchers surveyed 6,291 older men, half of whom complained of erection problems. How many had tried a drug? Just 7 percent. As older lovers take intercourse off the sexual menu, men no longer need erections, so they don’t need erection drugs.

5. Men’s sexual pace becomes more like women’s.

Young men become aroused more quickly than young women, and many young women complain, “He’s all finished before I even feel aroused.” But older men take longer to feel turned on. The transition to slower arousal is disconcerting for many men, but it means that the sexual discord of youth can evolve into new sexual harmony. “Compared with young lovers,” explains Richard Sprott, Ph.D., a developmental psychologist at California State University, East Bay, in Hayward, “older couples are more sexually in synch. Couples who appreciate this can enjoy more fulfilling sex at 65 than they had at 25—even without erections and intercourse.”

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Secrets of Great Sex After 40

My wife and I are about to celebrate the 42nd anniversary of our first date. We have a solid marriage, but like everyone, we’ve struggled with the changes aging brings, including those affecting our love life.

Intimacy after 40 doesn’t get the attention it deserves. The bad news is that the second half of life brings sexual changes, and changes are never easy. But here’s the good news: With simple adjustments, physical intimacy after 40, 50, 60 and beyond can feel as satisfying as ever—or even better—and deepen the love you share.

Age-related sexual changes begin between 40 and 50. These are women’s “peri-menopausal” years, when estrogen starts falling and periods become less regular. Many women also start to experience vaginal dryness, which can make intercourse uncomfortable. Fortunately, a personal lubricant is usually a quick, effective fix.

Meanwhile, between 40 and 50, most men start to experience erection changes. Erotic daydreams are no longer are enough to raise one. Men need direct genital fondling (with vigorousness increasing with age). When erections appear, they’re not as firm as they were back in men’s twenties, and minor distractions may wilt them. This is not erectile dysfunction (ED). It’s middle-age erection dissatisfaction. (ED means an inability to raise erections during sustained masturbation.) Still, to older men with erection dissatisfaction, those iffy, balky erections can be unnerving.

Upsetting as sexual changes after 40 may be, they make evolutionary sense. The biological purpose of life is to reproduce life. As women leave their reproductive years, there’s no longer an evolutionary imperative to continue reproductive sex, i.e. intercourse, so there’s no biological reason to make it comfortable through continued production of natural vaginal lubrication. Meanwhile, men can father children into old age, but until fairly recently in our species’ evolution, few men lived beyond 40 and even fewer fathered children late in life. As a result, there was no evolutionary reason to preserve reproductive function past that age. Biologically, older men who no longer father children, don’t need intercourse—or the firm erections that make it possible. But these days, as age-related sexual changes occur, most older couples keep trying to have intercourse. Lubricants and erection drugs usually help … for a while.

After 50, sexual changes continue. Intercourse may become increasingly uncomfortable for women, even with lubricants, and even with drugs, many men suffer increasingly balky erections, and some develop ED. These changes make intercourse more problematic—and for many older couples, impossible.

Unfortunately, many people believe that sex and intercourse are synonymous, that if they can’t enjoy the old in-out, sex must be over for them. That’s a shame. Retiring from being lovers makes relationships less intimate and ignores the deep human need to experience gentle, sensual touch. Other couples decide to adjust their lovemaking to accommodate age-related changes. Doing so means evolving lovemaking away from intercourse and substituting more kissing, cuddling, whole-body massage, toys, and oral sex.

Recent studies show that older couples who remain happily sexual evolve their lovemaking away from intercourse. Two studies of thousands of men over 50 show that, despite extensive advertising and media hype, only about 10 percent have even tried erection drugs, let alone become regular users. Many older men figure: If I’m not having intercourse, I don’t need erections, so why take the drugs?

Finally, men don’t need erections to have orgasms. That’s right. Even with an older, balky, or even flaccid penis, a comfortable setting, vivid erotic fantasies, and a woman’s loving—and vigorous—caresses are enough to trigger climaxes that feel as enjoyable as ever.

My wife and I not about to let aging interfere with our marital intimacy. Change is challenging, especially sexual changes. But when older couples help each other through the transition away from intercourse, they often discover a deeper, richer eroticism—and love each other even more.

Unlocking Your Vagina’s Potential Through Yoni Eggs

An integral part of Eastern culture for many centuries, the Yoni Egg or Yoni Egg is becoming increasingly popular among women of all ages, even in our latitudes. In addition to the potentially positive effects of the gemstone, it is above all a matter of strengthening the musculature of the pelvic floor with the yoni egg.

What is a yoni egg?

The yoni egg is an egg-shaped gemstone. Especially popular are jade, rose quartz and rock crystal. The word yoni comes from Sanskrit and means translated “origin”. In Tanta, the word Yoni is used as a term for the female reproductive organs. As the name implies, yoni eggs are gems that can be worn vaginally to strengthen the pelvic floor. So Can a yoni egg get stuck? The answers are there now.

This is how to prepare your yoni egg

Once you have a new yoniegg, cook it off for about 10 minutes. You should put it in cold water in the pot and only then boil. If you give the egg to the already boiling water or pour it over, it can get a jump. With lime water you can add a small dash of vinegar to the water so that the egg does not calcify after cooking. Before using, you should warm the yoni egg slightly. You can put it in warm water, for example, or warm it up with your hands for a short time. After use, wash with mild soap and water, allow to dry well in the air and store in the provided bag. You should not use the egg during pregnancy, menstruation or illness.

Use the yoni egg correctly

You can compare the yoni egg very well with vaginal weights or love balls. If you have already gained experience, you can easily transfer your previous exercises to the egg. If you are new to the field and do not know exactly how strong your pelvic floor is, you should start slowly. It’s best to get three different sizes and try out the size that feels best for you. At the beginning, you should not wear the egg for more than 10 minutes at a time and always attach a retrieval tape.

 

Also on the pelvic floor muscle you can get sore muscles and therefore you should not overdo it. At first you try to hold the egg only. Depending on the strength of your muscles, you may often lose it at the beginning. If your muscles are already stronger, you can train specifically with the egg. You can move it up and down, for example, by touching and relaxing. In addition, the yoni egg can be used in meditation. You can pull it up with the muscles with the inhalation and press it down while exhaling. If you are much practiced, you can also use it as an additional challenge in yoga.

Positive effects of yoni egg

With regular use you will soon notice the positive effects of your workout. Your pelvic floor muscles are strengthened and by doing so you not only prevent bladder weakness but can also greatly improve your love life. A good pelvic floor muscle can help you get to orgasm easier and faster. Also, your partner will feel your starched muscle.

If you’re interested, see some .

Which is the best?

There is no ultimate yoni egg that can be described as “the best” for every woman. Every lady use to be different. Based on which gemstones the eggs happen to be made of, these give off distinguished energies that correspond to one of the phases. Now it is important that you choose the yoni egg that suits your current situation. You do not have to do this alone; you can rely on the help of blogs so you can get the most informed decision. There are yoni eggs available at this website as well as expert advice in choosing the right one for you.

It is also important to know that you usually only need one yoni egg at a time. By properly training and building muscle, you know best when to move to the next one. Thus, you can build me the time an assortment of high quality Stone Eggs.

What’s in the application?

It is important to know that this is not a normal egg, but a gemstone egg, which can be made from different types of gems. For this reason, these training products are often referred to as jade eggs, as earlier and today for the production of jade is also used. The introduction of the egg in the vagina is said to trigger many positive effects in the woman. Here are to name especially:

  • Strengthening of the pelvic floor muscles
  • Increase blood circulation
  • Improvement of digestion
  • Help with sexual trauma
  • Protection against fungal diseases
  • Protection against infections
  • Increase in orgasmic capacity
  • Weaknesses of menstrual symptoms
  • Increase in sensitivity

Balancing the hormone balance

In this way different areas of a woman’s life can be improved and made more pleasant. Of course, it should be noted that every woman feels and experiences the positive qualities of this gemstone egg differently. In any case, it can be expected that the women will be pleasantly surprised by the application.

 

How is yoni eggs used?

The application of the yoni egg is very simple and can be used by any woman. It is important not to use a lubricant, petroleum jelly or another chemical bomb in order to introduce the egg more easily. It is a natural process that should be completely natural. In order to simplify the first insertion, you should lay down relaxed, so that the “spitting effect” can be made slowly. This is about slowly and gently welcoming the yoni egg.

Practicing Safe and Enjoyable Urethral Play

Sounding? Does that have anything to do with sound? No! An emerging trend in the BDSM world is the insertion of an object into the urethra. The inserted object is called a ‘sound’ or ‘urethra plug’. It is actually a form of masturbation in which the urethra is penetrated with the object. How do you sound? And what are the Do’s and Doníts? Is urethral insertion safe? We explain!

Sounding, how do you do that?

Sounding literally means the insertion of ‘something’ into the urethra. Stimulating the urethra can be done by both men and women. Yet we see that the trend is particularly popular among men. Many men find the feeling of a stretched and pungent urethra very pleasant and exciting. The stimulation is carried out with a specially made toy or attribute. You can do this with a penis plug or with a dilator. It can be placed in the urethra until the prostate is reached. The stimulation can then be done in different ways. This allows you to make rotating or downward movements with the sound.

 

Penis plug or dilator

A dilator is a, usually quite long, bar of surgical steel. This material ensures that it is very easy to clean. They also do not break, so this works safest. The penis plug is often shorter, with a ring at the end . This ring can stimulate the glands extra during the game. The difference between a dilator and a penis plug is mainly in use.

The penis plug is mainly used for extra stimulation. It can make the penis more sensitive, that an erection lasts longer and that the orgasm feels more intense. There are even hollow penis plugs. These make it possible to pass urine and semen. So you can also continue to wear very well if you want to use a penis plug for extra stimulation during sexual intercourse. The dilator is longer and is mainly intended to stimulate the urethra.

There are many kinds of dilators and penis plugs available online. You can check out this online store because they have a site wide sale here for a cheap cock plug.

Types of dilators

Dilators can be divided into different categories:

Hegar – The hegar sound has a curved S shape and two ends with different thicknesses. These sounds are easy to insert and are relatively short. This model is therefore very suitable for people who want to try sounding for the first time. Example of hegar dilators is the single silicone dilator of 6mm.

Rosebud – This is one of the best known dilators and also very suitable for novice users. The sound has a ball at one end and a flat handle or rod at the other end. The top is specially designed for stimulation of the bladder. These toys can also be used by women. An example is this set of 3 dilators with round top.

Dittle – The Dittle resembles the Rosebud. However, unlike the Rosebud, this toy does not have a spherical end. The other end of the Dittle is flat and shaped in the shape of a triangle.

Van Buren – this is the most popular dilator among experienced users. This dilator has a characteristic J-shape and is very long. He is also bent at the end so that he can hit and stimulate the bladder or P-spot in the man.

Pratt – the Pratt is a curved dilator that has a convex shape at both ends. This dilator is slightly longer than other models and can therefore be inserted deeper. This dilator is suitable for both men and women. An example is the Single End Dilator

Vibrating dilators – these models are primarily intended for people who have used a sound more often. You can masturbate with vibrating models. The vibrations provide an even more intense feeling.

Before you start sunning

Before you start sundering, it is important to pay attention to a number of things.

Choose the right model: Inexperienced users can best start with a single model, or a set with different sizes. As a beginner, prefer to leave out an extended set or a vibrating dilator. Do not go directly for a long model. Opt for a plug or a shorter sound, such as a Hegar dilator.

Choose the right size: Sounds have different thicknesses. A set is useful to test which thickness feels the best for you. The narrowest dilators have a diameter of 1.5 mm to 2 mm. The thickness dilators have a diameter.

Choose the material: Almost all dilators are made of stainless steel. This material is sterile. Yet there are also silicone dilators available. These are very suitable for men who want to try a dilator for the first time. The soft silicone material is extra easy to insert and feels less stiff.

Your Vagina’s Fitness Journey Starts With a Ben Wa Ball

The system of fitness exercises wobbling was created by engineer Vladimir Muravskiy. The methodology developed by the famous Russian activates passive vaginal muscles in just a few weeks. The fitness wobbling system turns women into sex goddesses. But wobbling has additional benefits:

Fitness for vaginal muscles: Fitness training of the vaginal muscles stimulates blood supply and hormonal exchange, maintains the balance of vaginal micro flora and increases the immunity of intimate parts. It slows the climax and prolongs the sexual youth of women. Fitness training of the vaginal muscles relieves labor and helps women to regain their form more quickly after birth.

It can be used as a natural contraceptive. Well-developed vaginal muscles and cervix can induce sperm fluids to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

Fitness training of the vaginal muscles improves male potency. Elastic and strong vaginal muscles prolong male erection.

Fitness training is a great anti-cellulite therapy. Vaginal muscle training also loads femoral, buttock and abdominal muscles. Enhanced blood circulation in the intimate area improves the condition of the skin in the area of ??the hip. Fitness training of vaginal muscles stimulates the production of pheromones that attract representatives of the opposite sex.

Fitness techniques to develop vaginal muscles

For starters, you have to determine which your vaginal muscles are. It is not difficult. Just try to stop urinating and you will feel the muscles tense. Then try to stretch them yourself and hold them tight for about 10-20 seconds (learn to shrink vaginal muscles without shrinking your femoral, buttock or abdominal muscles).

Vaginal muscles are divided into 3 parts – lower (at the entrance to the vagina), middle (the muscles of the vagina itself) and upper (to the cervix). The next step is to alternate tension and relaxation of the vaginal muscles as quickly as possible. The last part of the workout involves pushing as a child. Start with a workout of 10 slow restraints and relaxations, 10 quick restraints and relaxations, and 10 pushups 5 times a day. Add 5 reps each week until they become 30.

It is even more effective using a special simulator or vaginal balls that are also sold in sex shops. Lubricate the spheres with a lubricant and insert them into the vagina. Tighten the lower muscles, take a deep breath and try to reach the ball with the vaginal muscles in the middle. Then try to move the ball up and down and left to right. As you progress, perform the upper vaginal muscles. So now you know what do Ben Wa balls feel like.

Ben Wa balls

Ben Wa balls are the name of a sex toy, which consists of hard balls strung on a cord with a diameter of about 1 to 2 cm. The balls are usually made of plastic, but other materials such as metal are sometimes used. To learn more of the different kinds of these vaginal balls, you can check and purchase ben wa balls here. This cord is placed in the vagina or anus and moved back and forth. The friction of the balls can stimulate sexually. It is the intention to remove the balls at the time of orgasm.

Many women know the problem. After a pregnancy, or as we become older, the pelvic floor muscles relax. As a result, when jumping or sneezing we can lose a little urine and feel less during sex. This makes it more difficult to achieve orgasm and an orgasm is less strong. For this blog you need to dived into the books on pelvic floor muscles and read everything that was loose and stuck on vaginal balls to write a good and clear summary of how, why and with which balls you can now best train.

What are vaginal balls?

Vaginal Balls or Ben-Wa balls make you train and strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, but can also be worn for sensual pleasure for example, as foreplay. Stronger pelvic floor muscles not only prevent incontinence but are also good for fine sex with more feeling and you can more easily reach an orgasm. In addition, orgasms are also experienced as more intense by trained pelvic floor muscles.

Cone balls or Ben Wa balls have existed since the year 500 and are from ancient Asia where Geisha’s with the balls trained their pelvic floor muscles to bring the men into ecstasy. That is why Ben Wa Balls are also called geisha balls. Furthermore, you often encounter them under the denominator of vaginal balls, cone balls or pleasure balls.

 

If you want to work on your perinea tonicity with Ben Wa balls, it is better to choose evolutionary systems. Indeed, as for the choice of dumbbells, it is possible to opt for more and more heavy balls to promote more muscular work.

Tips to Choose Best Dildos

Dildo is your toy when you are looking for some awesome phallic pleasure to stimulate your G-spot. It’s one of the oldest and most popular adult toys, especially for women. Are you too planning to buy a dildo of late? It could be your first time. It could also be that your ex had got you a one but you are not really comfortable with it and are looking for a new one. Now, dildos are available in so many variations, shapes and sizes that it’s easy to get spoilt for choices.

However, no worries- the post below offers a brief on how to choose the best dildos.

Decide on length & width

This is one of the most important points to consider while choosing a dildo. When it comes to vaginal play, be careful of the length. If the toy is too small, it may get lost inside. Thus, you have to get a long one here to keep things under control.

In regards to width & girth of your dildo, you have to do little homework beforehand. Just check the number of fingers you will be comfortable with in your nether regions. The width of those fingers taken together will be the right width & girth for your dildo.

Decide on use

Before you buy your dildo, you must contemplate about the purpose of the toy. Do you want it for a powerful G-spot stimulation? Well, then go for a dildo made from firm materials such as metal or glass. The dildo should be slightly curved or angular. But, would you like to use it into anal? In that case, it’s must to choose a dildo with flared base. The flared quotient would make sure the toy does not get lost inside your body.

Now, some women love to use dildos with harness.  If you too are a strap-happy beauty, go for dildos with flanged base. This type of base makes it easy to hold the dildo in harness. Then, are you planning for pegging with your partner? Well, if that’s the plan, go for a curved option which can also double up as prostate stimulator.

However, if you are looking for couple fun, go for twisted dildos that are especially designed for dual play. These are the dildos as addictive as heroin!

What type do you need?

If it’s your first time with dildo, start with a small option. A smooth small dildo will be cool to make you acquainted with the whole thing. This is the kind of butt plug famous in NYC. But, would you like something more realistic? When you are craving for the best of sensual experience with your partner but you are alone- look for realistic dildos. These dildos are designed strategically akin to a real penis with realistic veins and ridges for the actual feel. It’s to note here, realistic dildos come with the label of “realistic dildos” clearly written on their packages. So, don’t forget to read the package before you buy a realistic dildo.

Be careful with material

Dildos are available in wide range of materials. You will find them in glass, metal, wood, silicone and so on. When you want the best stimulation on P-spot or G-spot, count on rigid options made from glass, metal and silicone. But if you are using silicone ones, please do not use silicone lube with it. Go for water-based lubes for all kinds of dildos, regardless of the material.

You should always buy a dildo from an adult toy shop that specializes in sex toys. Yes, you have many leading online retailers selling dildos today- but that could be a bad bargain. A lot of such stuff that you will find at these retail sites are actually fake. So, the best bet is to take to a reputed adult toy store.